You Can Pry The Smith & Wesson From Lady’s Cold Dead Hoo-Haw, And Other...
Oh hai! Welcome to this edition of Our Cold Dead Hands, Wonkette’s weekly look at the state of the gun debate in America, where evil liberals bent on controlling every aspect of your lives continue...
View ArticleThe Week in Guns: Please Proceed With Your Mansplaining, Jerks
What a week for gun news to wrap our cold dead hands around. We have already told you about the dust-up in the Senate Judiciary Committee when Canadian anchor baby Ted Cruz (R-Pew! Pew!) mansplained...
View ArticleGun News Roundup: Wayne LaPierre Is A Vile Sack of Garbage, Plus Some Things...
Greetings, representatives of the People’s Glorious Wonkitburo! We thought we would start this edition of Our Cold Dead Hands with a gun-related tale that could have had terrible and tragic...
View ArticleJim Carrey Trolls Fox Angerbears, and Other News From The World Of Guns
Greetings, rabble! Welcome to this week’s sad, sad roundup of stupid gun stuff. It is only our fifth entry in this series and already every week feels like an interminable slog through the most...
View ArticleIn Which We Are Irrationally Hopeful That Not Everyone Is a Total Idiot About...
With the way so many of our politicians cower in terror every time they spot Wayne LaPierre rushing in their direction, his crazy eyes rolling in their sockets like the googly-eyed panda magnet on our...
View ArticleToday’s Gun News Takes Delightfully Refreshing Turn For The Surreal
For those of you following our never-ending soap opera regarding our nation’s love affair with chrome-plated dildos of death, this week has been horribly depressing and not at all full of news that’s...
View ArticleLike Crazed Person With Gun, Senate Kills Everything It Sees
Hey remember how yr Wonkette told you, over and over, that the Senate’s gun control bill was going to die…with (well really without) votes? We now declare this meme dead along with the bill. Today the...
View ArticleJerry Brown’s Stormtroopers Might Actually Pry Some Guns From Some Cold Dead...
Hi diddly ho, Wonkerinos! It has been awhile since we submerged ourselves in the crazy world of America’s most prominent and deadly fetish. Frankly, we were feeling a bit overwhelmed with all the...
View ArticleAre You Smarter Than These Gun-Toters?
With the astronomical amounts of derp spewing into the atmosphere over the IRS, the AP, and BENGHAZI!!!!11!!!!, it is easy to forget that Americans continue every day to shoot each other with guns in...
View ArticleDeleted Comments Of The Day: Did Someone Mention Guns?
Hey, looks like Yr Wonkette wandered onto one of those news aggravation sites again. This time, we had an influx of new readers from the Gun-Fondling community, who simply wanted to have an honest...
View ArticleCelebrate Independence Day By Shooting Off Your Gun: A July 4th Gun Fun Times...
Guten Tag, liberal Wonkstaffel! With the upcoming holiday when all good God-fearing Americans celebrate the founding of the Greatest Nation in the History of Ever™, we thought it a good opportunity to...
View ArticleGuns Don’t Kill People, People Shooting Guns Kill People: Your Week In...
Greetings faithful Wonkettes! What a perfect crapstorm of a week in guns, what with people shooting unarmed people and then other people screaming that they were justified and courts agreeing and then...
View ArticleToday In Gun Fun Times: Should We Arm Our Precious Snowflake College Students?
Greetings Wonkeristas, and welcome back to our occasional tour through the dissipated, sand-blasted desert hellscape that is the hive mind of the all-guns-all-the-time Second Amendment fetishists. We...
View ArticleFlorida Man With Private Arsenal Just Wanted To Stand His Ground Against...
In an isolated incident, a Florida gun nut with a private arsenal has been arrested and charged with trying to hire a hit man to kill members of his family. Jason D. Simione, 39, had also made threats...
View ArticleToday In Gun Fun Times: Eat Hot Lead With That Pumpkin Scone, And Other Dumb...
Hello again, backbiting tone-policing finks of Wonkette! It has been a while since we looked in on the responsible gun owners of America and all the ways the more vociferous of them can be giant dicks...
View ArticleToday’s Gun Fun Times Roundup: Let’s Pretend Anything We Do Can Make A...
Welcome again, Wonktopia, to the bloody charnel house of American gun culture. The stench of suppurating wounds and rotting, gangrenous flesh hangs in the air like gunpowder after the shootout at the...
View ArticleWe Were Told There Would Be No Math In Your Gun Fun Times Roundup
Greetings, filthy liberal gun grabbers! Does this seem like a bad time for a roundup of stupid gun-related news? We were thinking about writing this periodic update over the weekend, and then Monday...
View ArticleGun Fun Roundup, American Exceptionalism Edition
Greetings from Wonkette’s brand new Bunker O’ Love, the underground safe room on our Idaho compound where we go to write about guns, gun accessories, and how they have made America great. Today, we...
View ArticleResponsible Gun Owners Have A Banner Week (Updated)
We’re back in the Wonkette Bunker O’Love, the underground safe room on our Idaho compound that we reserve for stories about guns and the wonderful people who fondle them. And as usual, we have some...
View ArticleThe Gun Fondlers Save Chicago, And More News In Your Gun Fun Times Roundup
Late last week some actual good news about violent crime came out of the great city of Chicago: the homicide rate for the first three months of the year fell to the lowest level of any first quarter...
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